Most B2B intros suck

5 screenwriting techniques that fix that đź‘€

Author

David Broderick
January 15, 2026

In partnership with

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8 seconds.

That’s how long you’ve got to hook your reader 🎣

(Just 1.7 on social, apparently đź’€)

So it doesn’t matter if you’re writing a blog post or a white paper or a cold pitch…

You need to grab folks’ attention immediately.

And the best way to do that?

Think like a screenwriter 🎬

The same techniques filmmakers use to get asses on the edge of seats can leave your readers clinging to your every word, too.

(Yup, even if you’re writing B2B).

Sound too good to be true?

Let Tommy Walker show you how it works. 

The original intro was great…

But Tommy thought it could be better đź‘€

So he used five storytelling techniques he learned in his past life as a screenwriter to cook up a new intro that hooks readers even more deeply.

Wanna see how?

Let’s dive right in…

đź‘€ The original intro (and what it does well)

Here’s the original intro from Gong:

All businesspeople get them.

They are usually bad to very bad (to awful).

Often they are automated.

They rarely include any customization or personalization.

Cold emails.

If I had a dollar for every terrible cold email I've received in my business career, well, let's just say I would not be writing this article now.

But cold emails don't have to suck.

They don't have to be deleted or unsubscribed from or marked as spam or replied with THIS IS

SPAM TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST IMMEDIATELY!

We've rounded up 6 of the most insanely-persuasive, guaranteed-to-rope-you-in, so-good-you'll-want-to-steal-them emails.

Examples that got replies, were shared on social media, and (many of them) ultimately helped book that ever-elusive booked meeting.

Cold emails so good you'll want to steal them. In this case, you can.

Here are 6 of our favorite cold email examples.

Tommy says this is already doing two things that put it head-and-shoulders above your average B2B blog post intro.

The first laying out two competing values.

These lines lay out the battle ground:

Often they are automated.

They rarely include any customization or personalization.

In other words:

🥊 Efficiency vs connection

And that’s the tightrope salespeople walk every day….

The original intro also really clearly sets the stakes by spelling out what’s really at risk for the audience in this sentence:

They don't have to be deleted or unsubscribed from or marked as spam or replied with THIS IS SPAM TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST IMMEDIATELY!

The subtext? Read on to avoid this pain.

Now let’s be real:

Lay out the competing values and set the stakes in your next intro and it’ll be better than 99% of B2B intros out there.

But Tommy thinks this intro could be working even harder đź‘€

And he rewrote it to show us how…

💪 Tommy’s punch-up (and why it works better)

Here’s Tommy’s rewrite:

Cold emails.

We all get them-and most of the time, we delete them without a second thought.

They're automated, impersonal, and, frankly, a waste of everyone's time.

Here's the problem: for every bad cold email someone deletes, there's a sales professional behind it who's losing more than just a potential meeting.

They're losing trust, credibility, and even future opportunities.

It doesn't have to be this way.

Imagine writing cold emails so effective, they don't just avoid the spam folder – they get people to reply, to share, to act.

Emails that build connections instead of burning bridges. That's what this article is about.

We've collected six examples of cold emails that don't just stand out – they deliver.

By the end, you'll see exactly what makes them work, and maybe even feel inspired to create your own cold emails worth responding to.

Tommy does a few things here:

First, he spells the competing values out even more explicitly across these two sentences:

They're automated, impersonal, and, frankly, a waste of everyone's time.

…

Emails that build connections instead of burning bridges.

Plus, he not only lays out the stakes:

Here's the problem: for every bad cold email someone deletes, there's a sales professional behind it who's losing more than just a potential meeting.

He also raises them just a little bit more by following that sentence with:

They're losing trust, credibility, and even future opportunities.

This creates even more urgency and intrigue – emotions that are going to get readers to keep scrolling.

Pretty good, right?

But Tommy’s not done

He thinks we can take this up another notch (BAM!) by layering in two more storytelling techniques…

🦸 The final form

We all get them-and most of the time, we delete them without a second thought.

They're automated, impersonal, and, frankly, a waste of everyone's time.

Here's the problem: for every bad cold email someone deletes, there's a sales professional behind it who's losing more than just a potential meeting.

They're losing trust, credibility, and even future opportunities.

Here's the real debate: is the problem with the tool or the person using it?

On one side, some believe cold emails are a necessary evil-the fastest way to scale outreach and generate leads in a busy, competitive world.

On the other, there are those who argue that sales is about building real connections, not bombarding prospects with generic pitches.

Then there's the recipient, weary from years of inbox clutter, questioning if cold emails can ever truly deliver value-or if they're destined to be nothing more than spam in disguise.

And finally, the forward-thinking sales professional sees a middle ground: what if cold emails could be both efficient and meaningful?

It doesn't have to be this way.

Imagine writing cold emails so effective, they don't just avoid the spam folder-they get people to reply, to share, to act.

Emails that build connections instead of burning bridges. That's what this article is about.

We've collected six examples of cold emails that don't just stand out – they deliver.

By the end, you'll see exactly what makes them work, and maybe even feel inspired to create your own cold emails worth responding to.

The first way Tommy ups the ante in this version is by introducing philosophical conflict.

And he does it through this cheeky lil’ line:

Here's the problem: for every bad cold email someone deletes, there's a sales professional behind it who's losing more than just a potential meeting.

They're losing trust, credibility, and even future opportunities.

Here's the real debate: is the problem with the tool or the person using it?

You know the feeling – those moments when you don’t know whether you’re playing the wrong game or you’re playing the game wrong…

(👆me whenever I see a Gen Z in Crocs 🤢)

Tap into debates your readers haven't figured out their stance on yet, and you'll go from having their curiosity to having their undivided attention…

Last but not least, Tommy makes the competing values he’s already laid out work even harder through a screenwriting technique called “four-corner opposition”.

He takes those competing values:

🥊 Automated, impersonal, and a waste of everyone’s time vs builds connections

And lays out the pros and cons of each approach across these four sentences:

On one side, some believe cold emails are a necessary evil – the fastest way to scale outreach and generate leads in a busy, competitive world.

On the other, there are those who argue that sales is about building real connections, not bombarding prospects with generic pitches.

Then there's the recipient, weary from years of inbox clutter, questioning if cold emails can ever truly deliver value – or if they're destined to be nothing more than spam in disguise.

And finally, the forward-thinking sales professional sees a middle ground: what if cold emails could be both efficient and meaningful?

“If we’re able to incorporate these things not just in the introduction but throughout the post, we’re showing that we understand the reader’s world a whole lot more than if we were just to present the information,” says Tommy.

That’s what these techniques are all about, really:

Painting a picture that will leave your ideal reader nodding along saying “yes, someone who finally gets it!”

And at the end of the day, that’s what separates cookie-cutter informational articles (i.e. the stuff AI can write) from content that builds a brand and drives conversions. 

So, before you sit down to write your next intro, ask:

  • What two values are clashing here? (efficiency vs. connection, speed vs. quality, etc.)

  • What's at stake if my reader gets this wrong? (Be specific)

  • What debate are they already having with themselves about this?

  • Am I showing multiple viewpoints before offering the solution?

Nail those four things and your readers won't be going anywhere.

p.s. here’s Tommy’s original LinkedIn post if you wanna check it out :)

TOFU Community Manager

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